There have been some disappointments here and there of late. And I think sometimes the hardest, hardest disappointment to deal with is when it lies in yourself. It's when I wish to shoot myself in the head because everything I do just doesn't seem right.
And recently, I've been in an emotional mess. I think generally I'm feeling okay and just living the days but...I've been struggling quite a bit, still, with the loss of my grandpa and lina. I miss them so so much and the pain I get from all these missings can get so bad at times that tears just well up in my eyes on the train and I've to act like I yawned and discreetly wipe my eyes dry..
It gets especially hard when I look through the photos in my phone album and came across the happy smiley photos of my grandpa and the adorable photos of lina and realizing that everything's just not the same anymore. I wish the pain will just subside and go away and one day I can really just be strong enough to look back and think about them, not ending with tears, but with a smile on my face.
I've always been bad at handling my emotions. But...I shall give myself time to heal from the pain and grow stronger. Life goes on.
And despite the physical separation, I know deep in me, grandpa and lina are always standing by me and my family(: I know that and need to remind myself of that constantly. I've also learnt to treasure my loved ones, every minute every day.
On a happier note, it's my dearest sis's birthday today. I am forever grateful to have this sister of mine. If you happen to read this, thanks for being you:) We've been through the ups and downs in life together and you're always there for me when I need a listening ear. I hope you like the cake and the present. I know being in hall alone, away from home on most days is hard but the family misses you all the time. <3 you sis :>
Till then,
goodnight
