Tiny Vessels

2012-01-17T09:24:00.003+08:00

DCFC Live in Singapore!!!! But it's $98, at fort canning. Tickets are always so pricey, but I really love them. Since years ago. Ah..... :( Anyway, still wondering how did I actually managed to convince myself to spend on The Killers Live in Indoor Stadium that time, at hundred plus dollars per ticket. But they didn't turned up in the end :'(

Death Cab is awesome. It'd be great to see them live!

2012-01-11T21:23:00.003+08:00

So tired with all the things going on recently. I feel like I'm trapped in a mental cage where those thoughts just keep echoing themselves in my brain. But...I realized no matter how much I rant, how much I lament and how much I hate, things aren't going to change. So keeping these issues out of my brain could be the best way out now.

It's just the 1st week of school, but I'm feeling extremely exhausted already. 14 more weeks to end of Y2S2. 14.

2012-01-09T19:47:00.002+08:00

So much hurt inside. Way too much. I'm controlling my tears till I start to feel this strain in my throat. All these years, all these hurting and all these I-wish...All these you'll-never-be.

I'm gonna show you where it's dark, but have no fear

2012-01-09T12:01:00.006+08:00

Current favorite:

Came upon this song while watching 'Drive' the movie. It's good and I like it. School has started proper as of today, had my first lesson MPW and I'm glad the semester didn't started off on a dull note. The prof's pretty friendly kind so I guess it really made lessons less scary. A lot of happened for the past 1 week or so. There're so many things running through my mind, so many things I can never understand. But maybe, at the end of it all, what I really don't understand and probably won't ever understand is you. I've been disappointed for so many times, till I decided to forget about having any hopes or expectations. Everything now, all the bad, just comes as natural now.

I told myself, 船到橋頭自然直, but when will we ever reach the dock?

I really have no idea. But...I'm gonna brace up and keep going.

Happy Birthday Lina Baby

2011-12-26T15:01:00.004+08:00

If you were still here with us, I'll carry a less heavy heart everyday. But if you were here, yet feeling breathless and listless, I'd rather you be happier elsewhere. I've grown stronger daily, coping with the idea of living without you physically here with us. It gets hard at times, but it's a phase that I must fight through. We miss you always. I give thanks for having you as a part of the family in the past 12 years. Happy blessed birthday Lina baby. I love and miss you all the time :)

With all the love in the world,

me.

xin chào!

2011-12-23T14:35:00.004+08:00

I just got back from Vietnam after 20 long days! It's been quite a journey, because I got to cover a fair bit of Vietnam and if not for Project Bac Ha, I really don't think I'll ever head to Lao Cai, Bac Ha because it's really a totally different kind of life there.

It's been a great experience with the rest of the team in this expedition. The weather in Bac Ha was really cold, at some point it went down to 12 degrees or so and everyone was freezing cold! But we all worked really hard to refurbish the 4 kindergardens. Sandpapering the walls, painting the base coats, drawing on the walls and painting them in bright colors. It was really manual work, especially for the guys carrying the equipments and the heavy roofs up the mountains but I'm grateful for this trip because it really widened my horizons and showed me a different way of lifestyle elsewhere.

So basically we headed to Hanoi first and took an overnight sleeper train to Lao Cai (at the Northern part of Vietnam). It's pretty near the China borders and near to Laos too! (Now that I've seen the map)

Then we took a bus down to Bac Ha, where our community service began. We headed to 4 kindergardens in total and did the same routine of revamping the places. Got to interact with the kids as well and they're really simple and innocent. They'd laugh at anything, even if you just go a simple high 5 with them. That can keep them laughing and giggling away for really long :)

In the 3rd kindergarden, the socio-cultural team cooked up a meal for the kids and it's chicken rice and green bean soup. Then we delivered the food to them, and it's really nice to see them enjoying the dishes. Their normal meals only have like lots of rice and vegetables, so meat to them is really a delicacy.

I haven't gotten the photos from Weijie yet so these are some of the representative photos I got from google. Haha. But it's really close to what we saw.

Bac Ha

We actually visited the Sunday Market there twice and the place is really village-y. People do trading of water buffalos, and there're like near 50 buffalos all around us! Then selling of live stocks like chickens, goose, ducks, dogs, pigs, horses, donkeys and all. Something you really don't get to see in Singapore. But at the puppies area I obviously shut my eyes and walk away as fast as I can because it's so sad to see the way they drag the really young puppies around on the ground or just throw them on the floor :'( But I'm glad I didn't see any live killings around. Killings are definitely going on somewhere but lucky that I didn't witness any!

Some of the women of the flower tribe in their traditional costumes. This is exactly what we saw there.

So we stayed at this homestay for our days in Bac Ha and it's a really nice place. Great food and great hospitality. Had a good time playing with the 2 dogs there also, Weijie and I always fed them with our leftover food haha.

Then when our community service finally ended, we headed to Sapa for our R&R. This was when I fell sick :( Really sucks to be sick on an overseas trip sigh! I had a massive diarrhea and vomited as well and my tummy was constantly churning non stop. All these made enjoying the trip really hard.

But nonetheless, the ride to Sapa was about 4 hours or so. And the view there was really nice! It was definitely colder in Sapa than in Bac Ha since it's even further high up in the mountains.

We were there for one night. Everyone was buying Northface jacket there haha. Cheap replicates but they do look authentic. I bought none though!

Left Sapa and headed down to Halong Bay, where my diarrhea madness continued. Had to down so many diarrhea pills to stop the diarrhea since we had to travel on bus for hours. It's gonna suck if there's no toilets on way there :( But I just know it's mega discomfort really.

We stayed overnight on a boat in Halong Bay. It's pretty there, with large boulders (?) ok not really boulders but large limestone features. Got to visit a limestone cave also, but I still love the one I visited in United Kingdom. Then the rest went kayaking while I stayed in the room and suffered in pain sob.

Left Sapa and we headed back down to Hanoi for one last night of R&R with the team. Hanoi was busy and bustling. Steamboat dinner with the team, but I had porridge due to my horrible stomach ache. It was okay at first and it got so bad that I felt so bloated and couldn't catch my breath on the streets :( I was in a mess but luckily b was with me to calm me down and we quickly got a cab to see the doctor at the clinic. Turned out to be some gastritis with some bacterial infection in my gastric. But I'm so glad for the visit to the doctor's. The medicine worked wonders for me. Million times better than the diarrhea pills, panadol, paracetamol, charcoal pills etc that I popped down for the past few days.

Didn't really get to enjoy Hanoi's night time much but I managed to take a walk around Hanoi in the morning we were leaving. The city is really really busy and their day starts really early. At 8 am you'll see shops opening and millions of vehicles on the streets.

On 17th, we went to the airport and the team headed back to Singapore. Bidded goodbye to the rest of the team! B and I extended our trip and travelled down South to Ho Chi Minh City. It was a 2 hours flight away from North Vietnam. Took the jetstar domestic flight and it was super cramp and uncomfortable, with many locals were on the plane. Stuffy as well. Reached HCMC in the evening.

And I didn't know this. Ho Chi Minh City was actually named after Ho Chi Minh.

This dude here.

Haha no wonder we kept seeing his photo everywhere. But locals still prefer to call their city as Saigon. First impression of HCMC upon arrival: Super busy and crowded with millions of motorbikes. It is such a bustling city, so so different from Bac Ha. It's more developed and the people there are more trendy as well. Most girls there are dressed in semi-transparent tops where you can practically see their bras. I was pretty shocked because I thought they're a pretty conservative country. I guess it's the weather that kills. It was extremely hot in HCMC and I prefer Hanoi's weather. Cooling but not too cold! Ho Chi Minh has 8 million people (that's like 10% of Vietnam's total population) and it has 4 million bike. So each person has 1/2 a bike, ok so every family confirm has at least one bike. This explains why Victor, our Vietnamese school mate who went on the trip with us has 3 bikes at home. Haha. Not surprising at all!

Another problem is HCMC doesn't really have a traffic light system. Vehicles go in ALL direction so when we cross the roads, it was pretty scary and life-threatening :/

Spent 5 full days in HCMC, till I got pretty sick of Vietnam already. The place isn't really nice for shopping because when they see that you're a tourist, they jack up their prices immediately. And they don't take haggling of prices as well, things aren't that cheap also so I didn't buy much stuffs. Only 1 bag great for school. Honestly, I don't really feel safe there because of the language barrier and not many people actually understand and converse in English very well there. Plus the scary amount of bikes there and messy roads make walking around a little tedious. But Weijie and I did visit the Independent Palace and Cu Chi Tunnel, both related to the Vietnam-American war. The palace was nothing much but the tunnel was quite cool, since we got to experience crawling in the tunnels like how people in the past did. If you're claustrophobic, it'll feel very horrible in the tunnel as it's really dark and narrow.

And not to forget! We witnessed a snatch theft there. There was this girl who was posing for photos at the roadside of huge crossroads. Then when the traffic light turned green, a motor bike with 2 men on it just went past her at full speed and snatched her bag. It's quite scary to hear her scream and we could see the crime happening right before our eyes but there's nothing we can do too since they were on bikes and they could fled off really fast. I became even more wary of my surroundings after witnessing that shit.

I think when you're traveling, it's always better to carry our bag sling-way or carry a bag pack in front. You'll never know what's gonna happen next.

Okay when I got the photos, I'll post them here (if I'm not lazy enough). Shall slack the rest of the day off. Great to be back in Singapore :)

I still love Singapore best. So cliche haha.

Tam Biet!

My 20th and the pre-trip rush

2011-12-01T23:39:00.003+08:00

Spend some time replying those facebook wishes. Thank you friends, all of you for the wishes. I really appreciate them, especially to those who wrote more than just a happy birthday :) My 20th was simple but pleasant and happy :) I actually fell asleep at 10pm on 29th since I was bored and might as well sleep those horrible eye bags away. So Weijie called me and he was at the door! Opened it to surprise and my sis was there too :) 2 cakes for me at 12am and I feel really blessed. Sometimes celebrating with the loved ones around really is more than enough. Maybe my exams have ended right before my birthday so I'm really exhausted and all.

Went out with Weijie for a movie, and we caught 'Immortals'. It's really good and pretty mind-blowing in terms of effects and the action scenes. But lots of blood shed and quite a bit of gore scenes so it's not too good for the faint-hearted! Headed to 333 Restaurant at the Mandarin Orchard Hotel for my birthday dinner and it's a buffet!! We were so bloated after our first round but we managed to hang in there for more round :) But honestly, The Rise at MBS was way, thousand times better than 333 :( How disappointing. And 333 is more expensive than The Rise, considering it's a 90 dollars per pax meal, so it's not worth it :'( But we went with a 1-for-1 promotion so yup, not too bad afterall.

Bb got me a really pretty agnes b wallet :') and this really motivated me to start using a proper wallet since I've never had one for a long time. And my beloved sister got me a laptop bag from fabrix because she remembered that I loved hers at first sight :) 2 great useful gifts this year thank you Sis and Weijie! <3

Today, headed to Weijie's house with my anyhow-packed haversack. Really lazy to pack my bag for Vietnam. There's so much to pack. Then we tried cooking chicken rice with his mum and his aunt in the kitchen, had a good time laughing at the aunties bickering away and busy teaching us how to cook and all. We'll be cooking chicken rice for the vietnamese folks, hope it'll taste as good as what we had today.

Leaving for Vietnam in another 12 hours. Hope it'll be a good and memorable trip. Afterall, it's community work, really hope what we will be doing will help improve the lives of the kids there in one way or another. Coming back on 22nd December and I'll definitely miss home alot:( Miss my family and Lina baby. Can't wait to be back with them soon. And to meet my friends!

Take care everyone! I'll be back soon. See you all in 20 days time :)

2011-11-25T18:14:00.003+08:00

Was doing my snail-paced revision (sigh) and I suddenly got the feeling that Chinese New Year's coming. Actually a few weeks back, I've been feeling so at times and it makes me happy. Just a while ago, I got the feeling again but this time, I recalled the times when grandpa came to our house for a steamboat dinner. And it was nice to see him in the living room, waiting for dinner to begin. But the truth is, next year's chinese new year is going to be different. No more having grandpa around, no more chance for me to wish him a happy chinese new year and good health.

Hope my grandpa's doing good and fine, wherever he may be.

Everybody hurts at times, but we'll go stronger

2011-11-23T01:58:00.004+08:00

2 papers down 2 more to go. I'm so burnt out right now. So freaking sleepy I can feel my heavy eyelids and my really bad headache. Marketing is quite content heavy I realized and the textbook is really naggy, they have so many examples and all, I don't even bother to read them. I really am in a desperate need for a good good rest after exams but seem like there's not much chance too.

29th's the last day and I'll need to spend a day to get haversack packed for ocip and run my errands. 30th is my birthday which, I don't really feel excited about celebrating cos I'm damn exhausted from the term already haha, 1st will be stay at home day and spend quality time with my family, my bed before bidding Singapore goodbye for 3 weeks. It's quite packed right? :( Wish to have more time with my family before flying off but it's okay, shall just stay at home and enjoy no-revision-and-studying times after I'm back.

Was reading my sis's blog and she posted this photo of Lina baby. Look at how cute she looked, I'll always remember the happy times we had together. Even if little details were to fade when I try to recall immediately, I'm sure they're all buried deep in my mind and heart :)

I remembered just last week or so, Mum was doing something with her phone and she stopped and looked at lil's photo on her phone's background and she started tearing. Everyone of us in the family misses lina baby but we don't express it everyday or in an outright manner all the time. It's nice to know I'm not alone facing the struggles when I miss you, because the whole family's with me. We miss you lil lil.

There're definitely times still when the missing gets really hard and I feel an explosion of negativities in me. But, like what my sis adapted from someone else's blog, "Life isn't eternity, but Love is."

How true :) I'll keep this in mind always.

2011-11-21T12:07:00.003+08:00

IEA is over! Back home now from the crap paper it was torturous and completing 4 essays (8 parts in total) in 2 hours is just pure impossibility. I'm so exhausted now and despite the paper being quite a bad one, I'm quite glad cos it's goodbye to IEA forever! One of the worst modules till now.

MS tomorrow, Marketing Thursday and Finance Tuesday! And i'm done for the term yay. Shall hang on for a bit more. Anyway, today is my dearest alyssa chan's birthday, happy 20th babe! :)

I've been missing out on meetups and all because of school. And it's quite hard to fork out time to meet up with my friends also due to all the projects and now the exams. It's been one hell of a term and it's coming to an end soon. I do feel bad for not putting more effort to spend more time with my friends but I'm sure we're all fighting for something in our daily lives. Hope they're all doing fine in their school, work etc :) and soon, i'll be able to meet them all!!!

Alright shall continue with MS now. Feels thoroughly unprepared but, it's all about one step at a time now in this crucial period. Anw, I'm feeling kinda heavy-headed now. Shall eat a panadol later.

Be back soon!

2011-11-14T01:50:00.001+08:00

Easier said than done.

2011-11-12T05:50:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I'm truly amazed at my ability to stay up. My skin is suffering, I look horrid but...I guess it's time for a rest now. Finally figured out how to do up my part of the report. Finallyyyyyy! Kudos to me. Nights/Morning.

2011-11-10T04:27:00.004+08:00

It's 430am now and I'm still awake. I'm tired actually. And I shall sleep soon. But before that, it's been a happy-sad day. I find myself drifting along the bittersweet emotion. It's bitter, because the whole idea of not having Lina physically here with us anymore causes so much heartache every single time. I miss you so much and no words can describe. I thought I wouldn't be teary on the 7th month you left but I was wrong. Streams down my eyes a few times today and I can't help it when I think about you; how much I miss you and us. Whatsapped my sister today and we both shared alot about lina and I'm really glad that I have my sister's companion in these tough times. Because we both know how much it hurts.

On another note, I'm so happy to see Lil's bag of medicine left intact in the kitchen when I got home just now. It's part of the memories left behind by Lina and we really want to keep them. So glad it's still around..

Just spent 5 minutes talking to Lina baby in her cute photo, and it's always comforting and fulfilling to do this because it makes me feel like you're right next to me. Despite me ending up in tears again, I'm happy because I got to share with you all the ups and downs of late and how much the family misses and loves you :)

My eyes are really burnt but it's time to wrap up the sadness and push on with whatever's left for this semester. I know Lina would want to see me happy too. I love you lina baby, always.

Sweet dreams.

Our memory lane

2011-11-09T00:54:00.006+08:00

April 9 2011 and now it's November 9 2011. It's been 7 months since Lina baby has left the family. I still wish you goodnight everyday, kiss your photo, put the frame into your brown paws-filled bed, smell it in search for that familiar scent of yours and hopefully, see you in my dreams. Every night, I do this because I miss you baby lil.

I was asking my sister, what if one day these memories that I have with lina fade? What if I can no longer recall the details, and all I have left are pieces of memories of us, like a puzzle with missing pieces I cannot find. Of late, school has been sucking up all my energy and time that I haven't been reminiscing about those dear times I have with Lina. Honestly, I really feel so angry at myself, feel so helpless, feels like I'm failing both lil and myself in a way.

But my sister told me that as long as I remember those happy times with Lil baby and the feelings and emotions I had when we were together, that's more than enough already. I guess this is really true. I find comfort in thinking of you and smiling, knowing that we've spent 12 years 4 months of wonderful memories together.

I remember how you'll always bark for us to open the door late in the night, so you can head out to pee in the kitchen;

How you'd be fast asleep still even when the whole family returned home, with us ringing the door bell several times

How you'd bark and jump around lily for food, like a greedy girl

How we'd carry you onto our beds and you'd walk around to explore the bed till you reached the edges and we had to put you down, afraid of you falling off the bed

How you'd bark softly late at night, hoping that the parents or any of us to open the parents' door for you to sleep in their comfy cold room

How you'd drink water nonstop from your cute paws-filled bowl and flood the area (And we still change your water everyday :))

How I miss having you around when I'm upset, so that I can talk to you and just cry like nobody's business, and you wouldn't judge. But you'd just look at me and reassure me somehow with that pair of bright round eyes

How lily will carry you around everywhere she goes in the house

How lima will call out for you at 6pm daily so that you can rush to her for your favourite chicken drumstick

How the family is always worried when we head out with no one at home to look after and accompany you

How small and tiny you look when you bathed because you're just like a cute big fur ball

How you always attempt to jump into your bed and despite the process being tough sometimes, you still persevere so that you can plop yourself happily into bed for a goodnight sleep

How you'd behave sheepishly and look guilty because you peed on the floor like a naughty girl

How we can carry you and just hug and squash you our furry teddy bear

How you'd seem to understand each and everyone of us in the family, without us saying a single word

And most important of all,

I miss, having you here. Right here next to me.

I'd still trade whatever I have in this world to have you back with us lil but nonetheless, I'm always grateful for having you in our lives, for having you as my one and only lil. Love you always. I miss you :)

Hug.

2011-11-08T12:29:00.003+08:00

I miss blogging. I've been falling sick too often since the start of the semester. Had a major flu attack, sneezed for like 15 times or so straight at the train station and I feel really embarrassed. Lazy to even say excuse me with every sneeze, so I just said a really loud one at the end of all the sneezes. I was running a fever this morning and I felt so weak all over. Decided to just pop a panadol and sleep in a bit more. Marketing presentation later, final presentation for the semester.

School's been quite busy. Since recess week, I feel like it's just days of rushing projects. Actually since iea and finance projects ended, I feel quite liberated. But marketing is quite a headache now too, seeing that report is still in some sort of a mess. But it's gonna be over soon. Hang in there!!! Just hope the presentation won't be too bad with too many questions.

Anyway, I really miss being home with my family. Miss being home on weekends because weekends are back in school usually. Especially so when this semester has so many public holidays and all the makeup lessons are placed on saturdays sigh. And I figure out that after my final paper on 29th, it'll be my birthday and on 2nd, I'll be heading to vietnam for ocip till 20th or so, so that leaves me with greater deprivation of quality family time :( And I miss Lina as well. Been so busy of late that I haven't been recalling our fond memories together often but that little cutie pie is always in my heart. I miss you lil.

Ok shall go prep for marketing presentation now, but before I go,

Happy birthday to my dearest mum.

I love you mummy, thanks for everything you've done for the family, your sacrifices, your unconditional love and concern and your naggings.

2011-10-30T05:32:00.004+08:00

School has been one hell of a crazy thing. I'm surviving on pathetic hours of rest but all I hope is my body won't give up on me yet. It's 530am and I just finished the final edits to the IEA slides. Haven't caught a wink and sometimes, I'm really amazed at my ability to just work on a task till the early morning.

I'm zoning out now. Damn tired. And finance report's done. I'm so glad it's completed, considering the end was a mad rush with my virgin experience of staying overnight in school to rush a project. It was...mad tiring. Two important project presentations this coming week. I hope IEA won't be too bad since it's one of the most complicated chapters I feel. Good luck to us!

Okay I really need to sleep. I'm becoming a panda. More like, I'm a panda and I don't want my rings to darken any further sigh! Haha nights.

Truth

2011-10-12T16:06:00.001+08:00

credit: lelove

2011-10-11T12:19:00.001+08:00

MY SHOE IS TERRIBLY TORN. And iea mid terms was like crap so its double unluckiness today. zz.

But I'm feeling a little more relaxed now since mid terms are officially over. Here's to the race against time for the countless number of projects and more projects.

2011-10-10T23:20:00.004+08:00

One great weakness of me is my tear ducts are super active. So when I'm sad or feeling emotional, I'd cry easily. And I've been tearing quite a lot recently, because I keep looking back, and I keep missing those who have parted from me physically. I miss Lina and I miss my grandpa too. Sometimes I really feel like the whole world is crashing down because those missings have been so overwhelming that I guess, I just cannot handle it. But after calming down, I know I've got to move on with life because time doesn't stop for me, for anyone. I wish there's a way for me to let you know how dear you mean to me, but on the inside, I know you know how much I love you so. I can't keep crying and feeling sad and disheartened and feeling this overwhelming tears in my eyes all the time. I really need to get stronger. Coping with death isn't easy at all...and the hardest part is when the bottled up misses for you have been so much that, it felt like a blow coming all at once, right straight into my face.

I'll be strong I promise myself I'll be. Got to be.

Heads up.

This song is sad to start with, but...the ending sounds very inspirational. And it makes me feel stronger somehow

2011-10-10T01:04:00.002+08:00

I was reading my sis's journal and there was this long entry on her time with lina baby just 3 days before she left us. I feel so upset and torn inside after reading it. I can literally feel my heart cringe. I really miss you lina and all the time, I wish you'd be right here beside us. I love you lina baby. Always.

A new week again. Got to embrace. I wish I'll get stronger and stronger.

Goodnight.

6 months worth of misses and love

2011-10-09T21:10:00.005+08:00

Today is a special day. 9th will always be a special day in my heart. It's been half a year since you've left but all of us, your family misses you everyday baby lil. We love you, always and forever.

2011-10-01T14:08:00.003+08:00

Was viewing Lina's videos with sis last night, right before we slept. And I burst out into a mess of tears and fears. We really miss her so much. And these weeks have been exceptionally tough when I think of lina, our cutesy little pie. The physical separation is just so painful, at times I recall and I'd just quietly tuck the sorrows aside but at times, like now, I think of you and all I want to do is to cry and lament all the bottled-up feelings in me. I miss you and how do I feel better from this? I miss grandpa too. And I don't know...Having been to deal with the losses of them have just been so overwhelming and taxing at times.

But I'm not complaining, because, only thinking of you both makes me feel that you're still here with me, always and forever.

I'll get better, again.

2011-10-01T14:01:00.003+08:00

As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

2011-09-30T00:05:00.007+08:00

It's technically the start of recess week for me but it doesn't feel like so. Recess week's just a week to catch up on the endless work, projects and hopefully, rest. In need of a good sleep to pay off the sleep debt. Haven't been treating my body well too since I've been kinda unwell and been sleeping on an average of 5 hours everyday.

There have been some disappointments here and there of late. And I think sometimes the hardest, hardest disappointment to deal with is when it lies in yourself. It's when I wish to shoot myself in the head because everything I do just doesn't seem right.

And recently, I've been in an emotional mess. I think generally I'm feeling okay and just living the days but...I've been struggling quite a bit, still, with the loss of my grandpa and lina. I miss them so so much and the pain I get from all these missings can get so bad at times that tears just well up in my eyes on the train and I've to act like I yawned and discreetly wipe my eyes dry..

It gets especially hard when I look through the photos in my phone album and came across the happy smiley photos of my grandpa and the adorable photos of lina and realizing that everything's just not the same anymore. I wish the pain will just subside and go away and one day I can really just be strong enough to look back and think about them, not ending with tears, but with a smile on my face.

I've always been bad at handling my emotions. But...I shall give myself time to heal from the pain and grow stronger. Life goes on.

And despite the physical separation, I know deep in me, grandpa and lina are always standing by me and my family(: I know that and need to remind myself of that constantly. I've also learnt to treasure my loved ones, every minute every day.

On a happier note, it's my dearest sis's birthday today. I am forever grateful to have this sister of mine. If you happen to read this, thanks for being you:) We've been through the ups and downs in life together and you're always there for me when I need a listening ear. I hope you like the cake and the present. I know being in hall alone, away from home on most days is hard but the family misses you all the time. <3 you sis :>

Till then,

goodnight

2011-09-26T00:58:00.002+08:00

2 mid terms this week and MS is 35% that's like 1/3 of the module grade :( Anyway, I fell really sick over the past few days and now I'm still feeling groggy, light-headed and weary. It must be the lack of sleep and heaty food that resulted in this. I really feel this semester is damn gross to conquer and I just want recess week to come right now. Despite the countless number of things to do, I still look forward to a proper rest. Feeling sick at the wrong time makes everytime feels even worse.

Okay bye. Please, may this week be good.

2011-09-20T23:51:00.003+08:00

So far, so bad. I find myself not able to catch up with work, feeling so lethargic all the time and despite great efforts to stay up till wee hours to sort things out, nothing's done right. Got to keep going. Can't wait for recess week for a short break, i'm not greedy, preferably just a long sleep worthy of 12 hours will be quite enough.

meanwhile, hang on tight.

listening to transatlanticism now makes me feel like a curled-up ball. just wish lina was here for me to hug. and...i miss you little one. it's been 5 whole months.

I need you so much closer.

2011-09-15T12:24:00.001+08:00

And there's no way you can please everyone. I just wish there's a little bit more sensitivity on your side. Period.

2011-09-13T18:44:00.002+08:00

"Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright"
— Bob Marley

I guess sometimes in life, one way to treat yourself better is not to be affected by other people's judgements and all. It's easier said than done. But, shall try.

2011-09-12T18:00:00.006+08:00

Been long since I'm in this space. Haven't had the mood to properly blog for a long time. Sis was sharing with me her NIE workshop called Meranti. Okay, it's some kind of sharing sessions to help the going-to-be teachers experience social emotional learning and to share their personal aspirations etc. So sis was telling me that she shared that 2011 was probably the lowest point in her life so far. And I guess it's for me too, since we experienced the sorrows and partings together as a family.

Last saturday, the family went to the temple where my grandpa's urn is placed to offer our prayers for him on the 49th day he left and we actually burnt him the exact set of pyjamas he wore at home after he got discharged till he left. I actually got teary all over again upon seeing the set of clothes... I miss my grandpa and lina so much. Guess these partings really constantly remind me to cherish what's here in my life while I can.

gotta be strong.

2011-08-24T00:07:00.003+08:00

School has started and it's just without a doubt that I feel so drained out that there's not much energy in me to think of the sad events that happened so far. But nonetheless, I still take time to think of you and us all the time. Despite us being miles and miles apart, you know I love you so Lina baby :)

Fondest memories, the 2 sisters with our dearest baby girl, Lina.

(pardon my ghostly gross white face, was having some mask on)

And now...I'm feeling kinda teary again.

I miss you baby girl. And I miss my sis, who's stucked in concrete jungle ntu. Sigh.

To a great week ahead.

To Us

2011-08-21T21:09:00.003+08:00

Happy Anniversary Baby :) With every ups and downs, we grow stronger together. Thanks for being you, love.

xx,

me :)

New year let's go

2011-08-16T23:56:00.003+08:00

2nd year started! So far, I've got a feeling that these modules aren't gonna be easy, especially IEA. The uncle-ish instructor just keep shouting "Agree?! Agree?!" throughout his bullet-train speed explanation. And I feel pretty lost. The textbook looks pretty complicated to understand as well, so good luck! No more lame modules like LTB, BGS, CT.

I'm so tired now. Gonna sleep. Looking forward to our anniversary this Sunday with Weijie :) It's gonna be a year soon.

Have a great mid week ahead guys!

Time has taken its toll on the best of us

2011-08-13T22:27:00.007+08:00

Finally had the time and energy to get my butt down to sort out the Taiwan photos. Many more that I love but here's two of them :)

Summer's ending in a day's time! These 3 months of holidays have been good and bad. The bad; the physical separation from my loved ones as they pass on, the times when I wallowed in those negativity, the times I feel like shit and felt lost. The good; getting stronger slowly, getting closures, and feeling the love and support from my family and friends out there, the getaway trips that rejuvenated me.

Actually the upcoming semester seems scary cos it's year 2 afterall. No more lame or silly modules like creative thinking and ltb. Just wish this new academic year will be a productive one and not too stressful lah. Haha hopefully, despite it being highly impossible.

Went to the temple today, it's the 21st day since grandpa had left us. I still talked a lot to him through prayers, just hoping he can hear and bless the family :) Honestly, sometimes I get afraid of losing some of the vivid memories of those times I had with Lina baby and my grandpa. That over time, your memories will just fade away slowly. I'll end up finding myself trying to pick up the details of all the moments we had together. And I feel sad that all I can recall are bits and pieces of images here and there... I guess one day these vivid memories will really fade and I feel helpless and upset with myself for that. But, I guess I need to tell myself that it's comforting enough to know in my heart that my love for them remain unchanged. That's all that matters, right?

With all the love from me to you both <3

You've been on my mind, I've grown fonder every day

2011-08-09T22:53:00.003+08:00

Absolutely love this song! Adele's awesome :)

Haven't been blogging for quite a bit. Honestly, thinking back, too many things had happened and they're generally on a sad note. Was talking to my sis the other day and we both felt that what's hard is the need to adapt to the changes and losing all the used-to-be(s) we had before any partings we went through this year. It's tiring, it's difficult. I don't know if I should say 2011 is a bad year because of all the trials, the partings. I don't dare to say I've grown stronger because sometimes, I still feel like this hollow empty hole in me. Still, with that said, I'm extremely thankful for my family. Knowing that I'm not going through a hard time alone does make me feel less afraid. But I'm also also really grateful for the countless numbers of SMSes and whatsapp from my friends all these while. I know I don't reply these messages but they are all embedded in my mind :) <3

Summer's ending! My resolution is to spend whatever that's left well by sleeping more and going out to get all the things I need to do done. I'm not looking forward to school, but heck, everyone got to start.

My blogposts are getting worse. I'll try to find the mood to write a proper post soon.

Till then.

2011-07-31T18:47:00.003+08:00

24 July 2011, my beloved ah gong left us for a better place. His last breath was on the last day of Bondue camp. This time would come but we just don't know when. I miss ah gong definitely. The whole family's been busy with the funeral but it was a grand and lively one. I wish ah gong has gone to somewhere happier and reunite with my grandmother. It's true, that he'll live in my heart forever. And I'm just really glad that I've spent many days by my ah gong's side during his last phase in life. I love you ah gong, always.

Having been through 3 losses (Lina baby, my dad's fish, and Ah gong) this year aren't easy at all. Partings have never been easy, moreover physically. But I promise to pray more for them, to talk to them more through words and to keep our memories together close to my heart :)

School's starting soon. It's August tomorrow. I wish for better months left ahead in this eventful year thus far. Okay, off for a run, to perspire all the heavy-heartedness off.

I won't tell anyone

2011-07-12T10:08:00.002+08:00

I really adore this song above, it brings about this calmness and serenity in me. I've been going over to grandpa's almost everyday, maybe 5 or 6 days out of a week. He's been home since 1 July and the whole family thought he might not make it through last night. Ah gong was squeezing every energy in him to breathe out the words '平安' to all of us. And when his old friend visited him and I'm really happy because that seemed to be one of ahgong's wishes before he passes on. He's still with us and I hope his remaining time will be a pain-free one.

On a side note, bidding is really a trouble this time round. Having to bid into third window is just damn sian. And if I don't get mpw this sem, heck it i shall just do my 4 CUs and slot harder in sem2. Sigh school is starting. Really need to make the best out of the time left before mid august!!

So tired from all the travelling these few days. Gonna catch a nap now (if i can fall asleep) tata.

2011-07-04T11:44:00.002+08:00

It's been some time since I'm here. I don't even remember I have a blog till yesterday when I woke up and suddenly thought of my solong-astoria. Random name but it's the album name of The Ataris, one of the bands I pretty like some time ago. Been busy with visiting grandpa these 2 weeks, since he got admitted into the hospital. He has discharged but it's because the hospital don't really encourage patients to stay on if they chose not to undergo surgery. So it's either hospice/home. Hospice gives me a really sad feeling, because it's where the terminally-illed stay in so that they can get some better pain relief in the last lap of their lives. So the adults wanted grandpa home and now he's just on sodium chloride drip to moisturize his body. No food at all.

Finally developed those chinese new year photos for every family, with grandpa in it. It's saddening to see how different he is from a few months ago. Just hope my grandpa's remaining time with us won't be too much of pain.

Okay gonna go down to MOM to report to my supervisor to round up June's surveys and hopefully July's won't be too bad. And off to visit grandpa later.

On a side note, bidding really sucks.

2011-06-26T12:44:00.002+08:00

Left bondue mock camp halfway. Grandpa has a really huge tumor in his stomach and he's too old and weak for a surgery since it'd be a major one. And the doctor just told us that my grandpa has a few days left. It's devastating. I just don't wish to recall the pains of parting anymore.

And if grandpa really have to go, I pray for a less painful departure for him. Stay strong.

2011-06-22T23:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder why do my eyes get wet so easily. At times, I really hate myself for being such a crybaby, my tear ducts are extremely active and when I'm extremely angry/sad, I'd just cry. I guess it's okay to let it go at times but come to think of it, I can't go on like this. Maybe I should learn to refrain from crying because I don't wanna bring pressure to the people around me.

A lot has been running through my mind of late. I've been busy with work that sometimes, I just feel so consumed since it's dealing with people again. And with people shouting into the phone at you, it just gives this job an extra challenge. But it's good so far, pretty much embracing it since there's nothing I can do but to work hard. This job is really about effort. How much you reap will be how much I sow.

On a sad note, grandpa is hospitalized. I really am afraid of losing him because the past few years when I start to find myself maturing in terms of thoughts, I learn that kinship is so dear. Over the past few months, I really saw how my grandpa has aged so much because his health is giving way. And how swollen his feet were, how skinny his face and arms are now and how he keeps sighing and trying to catch his breath. With every sigh, my heart sinks further.. Another part of me is afraid because facing death is just...awful. It kind of reminds me of the pain of losing Lina. But through it all, I'm glad I have been visiting my grandpa more often over the past year and it makes me happy as well. Get well soon grandpa :) Just hope you'd be fine.

Okay gonna stay positive and optimistic and cheerful! I guess things will take a better turn somehow along the way. And if you're reading this baby, thanks for everything so far, the encouragements, assurances. Let's work hard together :) <3

Nights.

Hearts will hold

2011-06-17T02:13:00.005+08:00

I've been busy with work, running to the agents, running around for interviews. Finally got a job. A temp surveyor for MOM sounds good intially, but now that I do it, what I'm earning is not very substantial because these surveys are pretty tough to do because people keep missing (not at home, not answering the phones). Walked all around sengkang and punggol and sometimes house visiting once the evening comes makes me pretty scared. I hope I can meet the quota so this hard labour can really pay off.

Was telling Wj on how I think 2011 hasn't been too good so far. I guess losing Lina is the only reason I'd say so. I still feel the sorrow when I look at her photos. Sometimes I just wish to avoid viewing my photo album on my phone because I'm scared my eyes will turn wet. This has happened several times on the train, when I'm alone...and I just got to act like I'm yawning or quickly dab them dry. I'm afraid of listening to those sad DCFC favourites and start feeling heavy-hearted. Sis and I still talk about Lina, about us, about our memories. We say goodnight to her still every night without fail and kiss her bed. I promise to visit you soon Lina baby :)

Anyway, for the past few weeks, I've been in an all-time low period. I felt pretty sorrowful about so many things. Haven't felt so awful in a long while. But I'll get better.

Another long day of walking and searching high and low for blocks of flats again...Goodnight!

2 months 3 days

2011-06-12T00:34:00.004+08:00

2 months and 3 days since you left us. But on the contrary, you're always with us. I miss you Lina baby, all of us do :) Our dearest baby girl.

I've been slowly recovering. Been wallowing a little bit of self-pity with some negative thoughts and upsetting issues...but I'll snap out of it soon. In no time. Got to be strong, swim along.

2011-06-11T11:42:00.003+08:00

Been feeling pretty much under the weather of late. The health, the mind, the heavy head, the heavy bones, the issues, the stubbornness, the unfairness, the envy and so on.

What's wrong? Time to snap out of this before someone snaps at me. GO JUVENAL CHAN.

2011-06-10T11:43:00.003+08:00

Ate 8 panadols since two days agao and 2 of the strongest paracetamol last night. My body is really falling apart, cos I feel the immense pain on my muscles, all over my body... :(

I hope my pay comes in soon and I can get any of the jobs quickly so I can help out a bit. Been thinking a lot about all these problems, hearing the sighs, and the lost looks on the faces, these make me feel a little... upset and helpless inside.

Maybe this is how the rest of the summer shall be; Work and more work!

Okay off to eat my breakfast and another 2 paracetamol. Hope I won't get poisoned from these high intakes of panadols... sigh

2011-06-08T10:54:00.003+08:00

A super incoherent post...

I'm falling sick :( In fact, I feel so damn sick. I think it's because of all the heaty snacks I've been having. Chocolates, biscuits, crackers, cereals etc.

Work at expo finally ended. The final day of tear down was really hard labour. Wonder why did they get only 15 temps down and not everyone. As much as I wish to not be too against certain group of people, I seriously can't help it. It's so obvious, the biasness, the favoritism and the way they're against other people. Not that we want to be in your 'favorites' either, but in the workplace I think this is absolutely not tolerable. Having bitchy supervisors really suck.

On the first briefing day, she said the following:

"No makeup. No exaggerated make up. We're in the service line."

On the actual event days..

"Where's your make up? You all should put make up. Look at me, you see me looking fresh everyday. I put makeup, it gives me confident. It makes me look good and feel good. Makes me know I can do it!"

HAHA swear all of us almost fainted. Her make up is gross. You can see the uneven patches of powder all over her face and the exaggerated mascara and eye shadow and blusher she spammed on her face. Throughout the entire event, we bitched so much about her, even the permanent staff there. Okay I think I bitched enough. This work experience is certainly special. It makes me see the ugly sides of human beings somehow. The kiasu people, the haughty bunch, the smug looks, the impatience, the contradictions, the ignorance, the typical Singaporeans. Sad note, this job slowly transforms me into a judgmental person. Okay as offending as this sounds, I think serving North/South I****** is the worst ever really.

Okay been talking too much about work. Was finally resting at home yesterday, helped mum out with the household chores. Then went to meet weijie for a run. I've been snacking the whole day so I felt absolutely worn out and heavy with every step I took. So I'm feeling very shag now, and I think I'm really sick now :( Feeling heavy in my head, giddiness and a pain in my throat. Finally, some warning sighs to stop me from snacking.

Gonna head out later to submit my timesheet so the money can start rolling in. Been facing serious cash shortage now, spent a little too much from Taiwan and the weeks before. Feeling a little stressed up over financial problems also, just wanna get a good paying job soon. Hope I can get one later! Then visit grandpa later.

A little meaningless, rambling on post. Pretty incoherent too cos I'm too sick to think properly. And sis is back!!! She got me a big longchamp, good for school :) Thanks sis! It's good to have her back home, more lively, more company, more laughters. Miss Lina baby too, shall visit her with the family soon :)

Alright. Feeling too damn sick. Got to go rest and it's out to run errands later. Bye.

Final thing! Sorry if I missed out any sms, my phone's been cranky of late. Only receive certain sms late, like a few days late. Maybe I didn't even receive some sms. So sorry if I didn't reply.

I miss you Lina baby

2011-06-02T10:02:00.002+08:00

I still hold dear to everything about us. I miss you dearest Lina baby.

2011-05-29T02:11:00.002+08:00

WORK TODAY WAS EXTREMELY CRAZY. Sigh, sometimes I look at the bill of people's expenditure, I felt my jaw dropped wide open, okay secretly. Can't let the customers see me doing that anyway. There was this customer who spent $700+ on the expo event. I was having great fun somehow packing the goods as I'm just chucking everything she bought into plastic bags non stop. The queue was insanely mad but we just took our time. Accuracy of transaction > Customer waiting time.

Wj came and picked me up after work and we headed to Bedok for popeyes! I was busy gobbling down the food. I wonder if this job helps me burn any calories. Standing up whole day from 9-6pm without seating down at all can be really torturous on the legs! But for the past 2 days, I've been heading to find Ber at the food expo to get some milk tea fix for the rest of the day.

I wanted to sleep at 10pm today since I am tired and my bones are breaking. But for the past 2 hours, I've been seeing customers' faces in my sleep and it's all scenes of me asking "Are you john little member? Would you like to redeem your points?" Very very haunting, and i'm not exaggerating. Too much sounds ringing in my head. It's 2.17am now, die work later 9-6 again ah crap hope i won't be too burn out.

Shall try sleep now. Sorry for these posts about work. My mind is just filled with work work work and nothing else now. No energy to think either. Bye!

2011-05-27T23:06:00.001+08:00

You will be fine, love.

2011-05-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

I love this song. MGMT's Kids. They sound pretty on the same line was Empire of The Sun. The kinda songs I like, a little futuristic but makes me feel little sparks of joy and hope in me. Well anyway, had my first day at expo and man, cashiering is seriously not an easy job, especially John Little's till. It's so bloody hell complicated and the crowd just keeps coming and coming. I'm really really mega tired and drained to bits now so I'm gonna crash soon. Though the pay isn't that good also, but I guess for two weeks, that sort of pay is not bad already lah. Don't wanna commit for full time job either so I guess doing temp event jobs are alright. My entire lower body is about to break down, my legs are freaking aching and I got to be working 3 more days till my off day. Just gotta hang in there! I would say it's an interesting experience, cos it kinda shows me how customer service is like, how sucky it really is when customers just give you the 'I'm paying, I'm rich you're just a useless bum quick collect my money and pack my stuffs'. HAHA but at the same time, there are customers who are nice when they apologize or thank us so sincerely when we went the extra mile for them. Service line is really not easy. Kudos to those star service officers really.

Okay been talking a lot about work. Shall rest now, and it's back to warzone tomorrow.

2011-05-25T10:15:00.002+08:00

Had my store attachment at plaza singapura's john little yesterday. Seriously, I'd rather do promoter job and stand there just rot away than do cashiering! Cashiering can be such a challenge because you get to truly see different behaviors of customers. Those with the smug looks on their faces, I wonder why! And those who bother to say "thank you" back just makes the day a little better. I've been observing the various customers' behaviors and I recalled my own face during shopping, I do say thank you all the time and I don't know if I'm smiley/expressionless. Definitely not smug lor. Okay meaningless post. But just to say it's a good experience I would NEVER be in the customer service line because serving people need a gracious huge heart and you got to just tell yourself the customer is ALWAYS right. Guess there'll be more to see starting tomorrow at Expo. I hope the crowd won't be too bad so I won't fluster at the counter! And actually I thought of wearing sport shoes for my counter job because it is gonna be standing up for hours but sports shoes plus jeans is quite hideous! The pains of retail jobs-mad tiring legs with expanded calves...

Okay gotta prep and run down to expo for sales event beginning tomorrow. Byez.

2011-05-24T11:22:00.002+08:00

Was at the pos training yesterday, training to be a cashier for john little expo event tomorrow onwards. It's 2 weeks long so I got to travel from Sengkang to Serangoon then to Paya Lebar and then Tanah Merah and finally Expo. Changing 4 times of train how draining. Though the pay isn't very high, I think it'd be a pretty good experience. Haven't been in the customer service line before anyway. But cashiering is not easy from yesterday's training. I hope I won't confuse myself, get panicky and forgot all the steps to do. Good luck!!!

After training yesterday, headed to Nex to catch Pirates with B! We had dtf, probably our first restaurant meal after we're back from Taiwan. Ordered so much we almost exploded but the sour spicy soup was really good. Anyway, pirates was pretty good and humorous. I think I can understand this plot way way better than my previous Pirates of the Caribbean movie. The one with Michelle a few years ago, when we finished the popcorn even before the movie began.

Gonna go for my store attachment soon. It's 2 pm to 1015 pm. I don't know what I'm supposed to do there, hopefully just slack away. But it's a prelude to cashiering at expo so yeah, need this warm up.

On another note, I've been thinking of leaving of late. Everyday I wake up I hear the words 'Quit and leave'. A part of me wants to but a part of me wants to stay on. And I'm confused. Hopefully I can see the light soon. Byez

2011-05-22T23:41:00.003+08:00

Met up with MBJSD today. It's good, I miss them. The bunch of friends that always make me feel comfortable with being myself, no hypocrisy, no acting, no trying to be a part of. It's just comfortable. Anyway, guess next two weeks are gonna be really packed, work is sort of beginning tomorrow. Little time at home, little time to see Mum around, minimal time with B too as he's starting his full time job somewhere also. Sometimes I hate such separation. It is those that you can never meet not because you don't want to, but because time just does not allow too. I miss those days when I'm home, the parents are still in the living room watching the television. At least, I get to talk to them or even greet them :(

I've been getting a whole lot of stress from practices. Always feeling so mediocre. It gets worse when everyone else is getting the skill but I'm still there struggling like a fish that jumped out of the water. I hate this feeling. I hate it more when all I hear in me now is "Quit". Maybe I'm just not good enough. Maybe I should leave. This stress inside of me is really so high at times that I feel like I want to explode. Could be unnecessary, could be too much but...probably it's just me.

Hanging on makes me tired. I don't know. I'm tired. I need a confidence boost, something to believe in, a positive force to turn things all around.

Whatever it is, I just miss my loved ones.

2011-05-20T10:14:00.002+08:00

Yesterday. Spent it heading down for an interview, having early dinner myself at Macs, off to school for meeting then Samba at night. The most heartwarming thing would be Weijie packing his mum's homecooked curry chicken and bringing me some after my practice. I miss homecooked food a lot since every week it's just only one meal of mum's cooking. And the greatest thing is Weijie's mum and my mum's cooking are really pretty similar! The food they cook, the way they taste. It has the motherly touch to it haha.

Anyway, I've been thinking about all these hypocrisy of late with some people. I've been doubting and will always be. But there comes a point in time where I get too sick and tired of trying to be a part of something. Yet if I don't try, it's like I'm just drifting in my own world. Maybe it's because I fine-tuned myself such that I don't believe true friends are easy to come by. Maybe I'm just an awkward social turtle. It's hard at times but I just go by each day. Just take it easy I guess, gotta learn.

Weijie was telling me last night how he thinks I've been thinking too much. I guess so too, all that worries, the negative thoughts are just weighing me down. They are unnecessary burdens. And I'll try to toss them aside.

Okay errands to run then it's Samba time. Embrace.

2011-05-19T13:37:00.002+08:00

I've been worrying a lot of late. About samba, about work, about this about that. I don't know if my willpower is enough to get me through every fear. Sometimes I wish I could worry lesser. Just be brave, make that decision, and get things settled and done.

2011-05-18T19:22:00.002+08:00

Been actively finding jobs. Honestly, I don't really wish to burn my summer holidays/break away by working like 9am-6pm 5 days a week, followed by 3 days of 730pm-1030pm worth of samba practices after work. It's kinda insane I might as well say it's not a break right...Okay, maybe academically yes. But I really really don't want to, so guess I can only stick to finding ad hoc jobs, or just temporary jobs that allow me to earn my allowance and hopefully, save up.

A lot of things have been running through my mind of late. I think despite the bad times regardless of what, they really taught me a lot about managing my future. I think people learn best through adversities and perhaps, sometimes through the hard way. I only got the clearest ever picture of the current situation till the explanation was done so it definitely serves as a warning sign. Time to prepare, time to save up, time to learn the art of thriftiness. And the art of accepting reality.

Anyway, I was on a really long long long walk, 3 hours in fact, with Weijie from Sengkang all the way to Bishan. It was a good walk, though super tiring. But we endured till we reached Crispy prata at Thomson (yums!) and that's our reward. Our rationale/motivation for walking was we were really lazy to go to town and decided to burn some fats and just get outdoors.

Mum had her off day from work today so it's home-cooked food day. Thankful for that. I've been doing a great deal of household chores recently, I think I'm pretty well-trained as a housewife! And we visited my grandfather today and he seemed weaker and weaker each visit. Sigh...

Okay off for my dinner. Be back soon.

2011-05-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

Simple day. Took a long stroll from Sengkang all the way to Kovan and had chicken rice for dinner and a walk back home again, with my noisy but always supportive boy. Thanks for the company :) Anyway, am glad for whatsapp because it helps me keep in touch with my sister. Hope she's having a great time skiing in Swiss Alps (if summer allows so!) Be back soon.

2011-05-15T23:52:00.003+08:00

And I'm back. The 1 week of time in Taiwan with Weijie was well-spent, was good, was happy, was memorable and refreshing. Although it's just a week, I think we spent it in a fruitful manner since our itinerary was really planned to maximize our time in Taipei. Guess the best day ever would be the day to Wulai, something different, somewhere far away from all the hustle and bustle in Shilin, in Ximending. We ate like pigs everyday and definitely are missing the food there now, and the really cheap 50Lan (Singapore's KOI) where one large cup only costs us less than 2 bucks! Good memories, thanks B :) Will blog about it soon when I've got the photos.

So...I guess all the excitement for the trip really keeps me busy that I've felt better as days went by, till I got back here in Singapore. Things have changed, in a way. Or maybe, these changes are just temporal, while some, are forever. My sis was already away in Europe for her grad trip and I miss her a lot. I'm really used to having her around every night when I sleep and in all honesty, times alone at home get really hard when I miss lina baby so much. Mum has also begun working 12 hours a day and the house just seems colder and quieter each day. I feel...sort of empty at times. I really worry a lot inside, worry about things that I prefer to remain unspoken. I reminisce the past a lot at times, finding your departure still a great blow to me. It still cause my heart to ache all the time. And all we can do is to look at your photos, tell you we love you with a smile and to sniff your bed in search of the familiar smell of yours. I miss you dearest baby lina. It's 12 years of relationship and companionship, and you mean the world to us. We still miss you a lot and it's forever. It's hard at times because I ask myself, "What if one day, my memories of us got blur?" As much as I am afraid, I really believe they wouldn't because we love you so much lina. And I'm really grateful for all the countless number of photos and videos my sister took of Lina when she's around. Now that's left are really memories and these physical visual images for us to safekeep...

Sometimes it gets so hard, I find myself rolling into a miserable ball, tearing non-stop, gasping for air trying to find comfort once again... in all those words I psychoed myself back then to believe in for comfort to get me through the examination period. It was hard as hell, trying to focus on the papers, forcing myself not to grieve because it will affect my performance, trying to smile a little because people would start asking "What's wrong? Are you okay?" and it all made my heart felt heavier and heavier each time.

While we know others may not understand our love for you, but I vouch with all my life that lina baby, you're so dear to us, you're my childhood friend, my companion, my baby girl who watched me grew up from a silly 8 year old to whom I am today.

I guess what's so painful about death is the permanent loss of the someone physically. It's forever and the physical separation really kills. A recent visit to my grandfather made me realized that his health is worsening and his face is getting paler. I guess these years I've really grown to learn to cherish what I don't used to, grow to learn the importance of kinship with the extended family and the importance of spending more time with the older folks. Most importantly, don't ever leave room for regrets.

So much emotions running through my head and heart-tugging moments as I wrote this. It's like a confession. Hate being so open with myself on this space but...I guess it's good to share. It's a way for me to give myself a closure, somehow..

And...it's a pretty cold heart-wrenching night again. I'm swallowing my tears, and I miss you everyday, Lina baby.

Raindrops

2011-05-03T11:04:00.003+08:00

Dinner at Raindrops with the girls :)

Summer has been good so far. I've been resting a lot so I feel really refreshed and rejuvenated. Managed to spend quite a bit of time with my family and especially Mum as she headed off to work starting today. It's 8am to 8pm daily so I'll get to see her much lesser. I love it when everyone's home, feels cosy, feels livelier. Headed to visit my grandpa two days ago and he's looking really weak compared to the previous times. Partings and deaths are inevitable so yeah, many things happening of late have reminded me about treasuring the loved ones while they're around.

Guess when I'm back from Taiwan next week, it'll be work and samba! Time to get my enthusiasm back it's hard sometimes because summer also rings with the word freedom and obligations-free.

On another note, I guessed I met a friend who I've not talked to for a long long time. And it all ended back then on a really blurry and negative note. But now that I thought through our friendship, it's really quite a joke. I still believe that things could have been better if you chose the right words to say, the right things to do and be a little more thoughtful. Ah, it's okay, everything happens for a reason.

Meet up soon friends when everyone ends their examinations and is free :) Till then.

2011-04-26T00:45:00.003+08:00

Visited Lina today at the memorial area at the hospital. Can't help but tear. I miss you dearest baby girl. Hope you enjoyed the yummy fishballs we got for you Lina baby. No matter how much I've accepted your departure, know that you always always have a place in my heart, it's reserved, it's something called Forever.

2011-04-25T01:04:00.002+08:00

Sometimes...I feel so unappreciated.

This could be

2011-04-25T00:11:00.002+08:00

Thanks those who texted me with your comforting words. The family is coping well and definitely, misses for Lina is still tough at times but she's always in our hearts :)

Summer has been good so far. Thinking back, I really got to thank Weijie for standing by me through the hard times, besides my family. He was the only one who understood my struggles of coping with exams and the trial. Thanks b :) I've been resting pretty much since summer began. It's good rest, good rejuvenation from the entire semester. Sem 2 was pretty good actually, if I were to ignore the projects part. But we always learn from challenges so yeah, it kinda trained my patience and social skills. More to come, I'm sure.

Gonna head to Taiwan in about 1 week's time. Guess it'd be a good getaway for a while. Definitely gonna miss sister who'll be in Europe for a month by the time I'm back. Home's gonna be exceptionally quiet I supposed. Shall find a job when I get back from the trip. Will be back soon :)

Brave like a soldier

2011-04-22T23:41:00.006+08:00

Hello all. I decided to go private for a while as I learnt to cope with Lina's departure. Many friends did not know this, that is if you managed to read the post right after I was back from the animal hospital. To those few who know, thanks for the comforting words. It wasn't easy to cope at all. It is nothing short of the pain felt from the loss of my very loved ones. Lina left on the Saturday right before my examinations so it was exceptionally difficult really. It's hard. Having to force myself not to think of Lina, when I had 3 papers to cope. Having to cope with the gloominess in the air when I had to concentrate on the revision. Having to walk away from the table and find somewhere quiet to cry my hearts out while staring at the books in blank. At that time I wish to tell people around me that I'm not smiling anymore or looking so fatigue from all the crying because our family lost Lina. Because I know non-pet owners will never ever understand the pain. Lina has been around with us since she was 7 months old and she has lived for 12 years 4 months. My dad, mum, brother, sister and I have always and will forever be proud of this little one. Just like what my sis wrote in the farewell card to Lina,

"Dearest Lina baby,

You have been a great gift and joy to our family for the past 12 years and 4 months and no words can describe how dear you are to us. Thank you for providing so much joy, comfort and warmth to the family. You have been such a cute, sensible and a supportive member in the family and we are eternally grateful for having you with us. We will cherish and hold dear to the memories we have with you Lina. Stay well and safe Lil baby and we will always miss you! Love you forever dearest Lina baby!

In loving memory. 9th April 2011.

Love always,

Your family:)"

I've always loved to describe Lina as part of the family and she really is. Just like how my parents watch me grow up from a baby to a soon to be adult, it's the same for the family, watching Lina grew up from a small baby puppy girl to a matured but still really cute and bubbly dog. Despite her growing older and older each year, in my heart, she always remains as our little baby girl. She has been the family's best companion, because Lina doesn't mind who we are, she doesn't pick on our flaws, and she accepts us in every single way. I remembered times when I'm really down, I'd cry and pet her at the same time, but she'd just look at me with that bright eyes, and it's assuring really.

After the Saturday when Lina left, the family has been sharing alot together about Lina. My mum, sister and I will sit down together and reminisce everything about Lina. She has been a really brave girl. When I was secondary 4, Lina went through a major operation. Her heart has always been weak since young and pomeranians especially have a smaller body structure. That period we cried a lot because she was in a critical condition. But being a strong girl, she survived it and discharged from the hospital as a bubbly girl again. But subsequently, her health started to deteriorate. Lina's hind leg (which has always been a problem she's born with) started to give way and slowly, Lina lost her ability to stand up and walk. She began to cough very often as her lungs were getting weaker. Despite all that, Lina remained really brave every time she sees the doctor and manages to come out of every challenge stronger. It touches me really, to see how Lina baby stays strong and I always believe she knows that she has a family supporting her all the time.

There're so much of things I can write about Lina baby and I wish to do a proper post with photos of us, looking young and innocent 12 years back to where we are now, 12 years later. As much as people don't understand how painful it is or how deep our love is for Lina, it is okay because we know it in our very hearts.

Missing Lina does still get tough at times. But my sister and I always remind ourselves that Lina is definitely happier now and the best comforting thing to know is our family has always loved her right from the start and we have together weaved so many happy memories together that will last us forever. There's no regrets. But to be honest, I will never keep a pet for the rest of my life anymore. It's not that it's a hassle because it definitely is not. It is because losing Lina has been a blow and coping with it is hard. Lina has brought about so many good memories for the family and bonded us together so much more.

Death has never been easy to cope and I believe will never be easy to cope. I hate the word 'Let go' because to me, it sounds like you have to let go of the memories. At least, to me. I will never let go of Lina, but it's more of accepting and keeping these memories and love for Lina deeply in my heart. Lina's departure taught me that every other challenges we meet in life are sometimes nothing and really pales in comparison. Lina showed me what love truly is and makes me realizes how truly important my family means to me. I wouldn't use 'You don't know what you've got till its gone' from Lina's departure because for the past 12 years, the family knows how much Lina means to us and we cherishes her everyday. But still, friends, if you're reading this, do treasure your loved ones. Life's fragile and short, so do cherish your times and bonds with those you love. Take more photos, take more videos because they really are the best ways to keep your memories alive.

Been to the hospital last week to visit Lina at the memorial corner, where the sweet photo montage sis did for Lina was placed. We stood there and looked at Lina's photo and at the same time, many other dogs' photos were there as well, placed by other pet owners. Reading their messages for their pets really warm our hearts. It's heartwarming to know there are many others who are coping with their pets' departure as well. It's heartwarming to know there are many others who love their pets as much as we do.

Feeling some tears in my eyes now...But nonetheless, I'm always comforted to know Lina always have a place in my heart and our memories together will always stay with us. We love you baby girl, always and forever. We will see you at the rainbow bridge, someday :) Stay safe dearest Lina baby.

Goodbye Lina Baby

2011-04-09T15:47:00.005+08:00

9 April. The day Lina left the family, left us all. She is the brightest, cutest, prettiest and best pet/friend/sister in the past 12 years and 4 months of my life. She taught me that love can be expressed best not through words, but through actions. She showed me that every ordeal can be overcame with love and support. She taught me so much more about love. The joys, the noise and the warmth she brought to the family will never ever be forgotten. You're my joy when I'm down, you're my sunshine when the sky seems gloomy, you're my warmth when I'm cold, you're my everything. Coping with your absence is going to be difficult but I promise you will be missed dearly by all of us. We really miss you alot baby Lina.

Baby lil, if you can hear us, please take care of yourself, whenever you are. You've been so strong and we are all so proud of you.

Baby lil, although deep inside we know how much words cannot express our love for you, but I want you to know that we love you so much, always and forever.

In loving memory.

Lidi

2011-04-07T21:36:00.002+08:00

It's really hard, to handle so many things at one go. The precious one is in the hospital now fighting for her life, and I'm here trying to sort out a report left in a mess and not done because of the irresponsible acts of the people and having to handle my revision and exams on monday.

Tears and fears. What's worse?

2011-04-04T00:59:00.003+08:00

Been home all day, trying to begin on my revision. BGS report is kinda out of my head ever since the whole of Saturday spent in school doing it. I admit that there're times when I was(hopefully not 'am') really frustrated with some people I got to work with. As weird as it sounds, I really believe that being responsible with your work, an apology for being late for 1 hour, apology to everyone for missing meeting just because you cannot get up of that bed of yours are the bare minimum. Perhaps drum major life back in NV has moulded me pretty much into who I am today. It's frustrating really, even up till this minute I feel so grossed out by all that drama full of things going on. But I'm glad the end is near. At university level, I guess everyone should know what's expected of them right? And this is why I always rant to the few buddies about how puzzled I really am when irritating situations happen.

By far, this could be one of the worst experiences ever in SMU life. Never want such teams again. Ok on hindsight, I felt like this is a kind of experience to usher me into the reality that there're all sorts of people out there, holding different principles.

Okay, that aside, it's 1 week to finals. Sem 2 has been a fast one. Much less stressful than last sem's somehow though this sem's projects and reports are a hell lot more. But once 16th April is over, it's just gonna be Summer, Taiwan (YAY!), Pig out, Family and Lil baby, Meetups with friends, and work work work!

Sounds good!!! And I really am looking forward to a good long break ahead!

Okay back to work :( And pls pardon my english, it's incoherent I'm too tired.

Have a great week ahead everyone! I miss my girlfriends a hell lot. The whole bunch of you.

2011-04-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

Carpe Diem; Seize the day.

Pretty inspiring.

Sick to be sick

2011-03-23T14:51:00.002+08:00

I think this sem I've fallen ill quite a bit. High fevers, flu, gastric flu, food poisoning and more. But yeah, I need to cut down on those heaty stuffs before more shit happens. But nonetheless, chocolates are really yummy food for crunch time.

Okay lost a lot of time resting today...the sad morning. Time to wash that poison out of me and get started on work. Week's ending. Keep going friends, week 16 is in sight!

2011-03-23T12:38:00.001+08:00

dear indian rojak....

2011-03-22T19:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you just got to learn not to give a damn to those who don't give a damn to the project. but then again, the project is bloody hell 40%. I'm not just gonna let it go like this.

(I sound like some revengeful kid. can't help it)

On the other hand, the two only positive things I can see from this experience are

1) Makes me learn the hard way on how to deal with suckers

2) Makes me appreciate good/cooperative teammates (CT you guys are definitely no.1 on my list)

okay back to hell.

2011-03-21T17:50:00.003+08:00

Considering the fact I have cramps now (sigh) but didn't threw a bitch fit at them is already a wonderful achievement. I don't know. I still think that no matter how busy/tired you are, you have to get your priorities right, no? It's simple logic.

Anyway, 4 presentations await me starting tomorrow. And I just woke up from a nap. How ironic. Haha okay off to digest that individual speech tomorrow. Dor if you're reading this, go us! :)

2011-03-21T14:52:00.000+08:00

those people in the bgs group should scram and get a life. overslept and don't reply phone calls and messages and when meeting ended 2 hours later, tell me "hey sorry i overslept".

BLOODY HELL. SO? Others who make an effort to come not tired is it?

grow up man. you're not gonna make it.

Milestone

2011-03-20T22:09:00.001+08:00

Through the good and bad times,

love :)

2011-03-18T20:47:00.000+08:00

it really gets so tough sometimes. hang on hang on gonna be over soon. summer's in sight, somehow

2011-03-11T13:47:00.006+08:00

Damn pissed off with some people. Don't know how to check emails one. Damn irritating or what. I'm so pissed and boiling inside. AH WTF. Anyhow change timings of meetings. Don't you know there's something called a SCHEDULE? -.- seriously.

2011-03-11T12:23:00.003+08:00

Hello all. It's been long since I last did a proper post. I miss blogging, but school has sucked all the energy I have. Now that there's free time, I'd rather spend it catching up on sleep. Been too deprived of late. Anyway, CT individual was finally over. I had fun doing the artpiece actually, it kinda brings me back to those days when I'd spend lots of time doing handmade presents just for my friends' birthdays. But now, I can't even bother much to do a handmade card (I'll still attempt to though). Hahaha. Double digit weeks started on Monday so yeah, I really see a hell lot of workload ahead. And not to forget, thanks Doreen for the MC paired speech experience! Haha "Imagine this!", "Definitely not!". So glad it's over so we're left with our individual speeches now.

Week 12 is mad. I've got presentations everyday. 4 presentations in fact, in 3 days. But I'm taking it slow. This semester is definitely easier than last semester's. And I've also learnt abit about dealing with people who don't prioritize or give a damn about projects. I don't know. I mean, isn't it obvious and just reasonable for you to know that it's a group work and not about you leeching on people's efforts? And I've also witnessed for myself first-hand how some people will put you down just to make themselves feel better. If you really have what it takes, you don't have to resort to this. Okay enough of this bothersome shit.

I've got plans this summer! :) Planning a taiwan trip with b! But my passport's expired so it's an extra chore of getting it renewed. And other than that, it's just work (hopefully I can find one) and samba trainings and heartland tour cum buskings. But on top of all these, it'll be the endless meetups with people I miss. And most important of all, spending time with my family and Lina baby and Wj!

Talking about samba, it's been taking up a hell lot of time actually. And the energy it drained is high as well. I think if I continue going for pracs without my earplugs, it's likely that I'll damage my ears. Hahaha. Okay off to do some research and it's project meeting again.

Till then!

2011-03-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there.

2011-02-22T12:23:00.001+08:00

Screw this holiday. So grossed out with all that workload, endless meetings, and samba practices.

2011-02-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

ROAR! Hahaha taken some time back :)

2011-02-17T23:51:00.004+08:00

Hello all, it's been some time! Been busy with project meetings, and finally it's mid-term break! Mid term break this sem feels much more better because there's no need to mug for any papers! Still, there's a hell lot of things to do so yeah. In any case, TWC presentation's over today! It went quite well though I felt stupid doing the kinect act in front of the class. Hahah (Dor, did the classmates even show any response through their facial expression?!) Elevator pitch for BGS went quite alright too though there're a number of issues to look through in greater details. Yawns, bgs project seems quite a challenge. FA is untouched, the annual report of Hyflux makes me want to sleep so....ah okay school's out!!!

Anyway, here to share some photos of Vday! But more importantly, a photo of Lina baby. How cute! :) I just tossed this blanket around her for fun la!

Valentine's was simple but memorable :) Just a dinner at Brotzeit. Stuffing ourselves with the different kinds of sausages on the platter...

Anyway, I wonder why haven't I been using the awesome camera app in my iphone religiously. It's free and the effects are so pretty.

Hahahahaha

B had a 50% discount voucher for Andersen's Ice Cream Family Fondue. HAHA it's meant for 4-5 people! And I think the waitress was a little taken aback when she took the order. We tried like 10 different flavours of ice cream and I thought they were quite generous with the amount of chocolate. But then again, I don't usually like a lot of chocolate on the fruits and all.

The app at its best. Love the colours, so vibrant.

Enjoyed myself thoroughly, thanks b! :)

Okay I'm so tired. Shall sleep till the cows come home later. Hahaha kidding. So many things to do, shall try complete them asap so I can spend some time in the week meeting up with people I miss. Till then!

School Bitching

2011-02-09T23:52:00.002+08:00

Ok after venting in my previous post I think I'm feeling just a tad better. Anyway, today was such a hectic day. Whenever I see people holding those orange bags, and made me realize that they're still heading to visitings, I feel so envious :( Chinese New Year was over since Saturday night, when dinner at Red Star's over. I miss the holidays already. School's such a killer.

Every Wednesday's a chore, such a long draggy day. FA test today wasn't too bad but I realized how fatal it can be if you make a careless mistake. Was totally spacing out when Gay went through Cash and Receivables. FA lesson is seriously the most draggy lesson this sem.

And I guess I've really come across quite nasty in the emails to them but there's no choice. It's a project not an individual one, and I constantly feel like I'm the only one who sense the urgency while the rest are like blinded or what (bitchy mood on again). I was so irritated that I called Weijie up right after BGS and ranted to him non-stop, repeating myself over and over again about how !!! I feel. Sometimes, I really wonder if people CHECK THEIR BLOODY EMAILS. Take responsibility man HELLO?

I'm really tired right now. CT presentation tomorrow, doing a really lame act urgh. But before that, it's meeting at 10am, TWC at 12pm, CT at 5pm, meeting at 7 till 9/10pm. All the way back-to-back, with no breaks in between.

How scary. Okay positive positive. Have a great week ahead! :)

2011-02-09T23:40:00.003+08:00

So tired from being a bitch today regarding some project. But being a bitch in this is absolutely necessary. Why? Because you have people in the group who don't give much shit to the project, who don't check emails, who are just...slackers?

Irritants. What else.

Happy Rabbit Year!

2011-02-04T00:28:00.004+08:00

Happy new year friends! Just got back not long ago from visiting. Just want to share my top, the turquoise coloured top with pearls near the hem line! :) I like how floaty it is and the colour is yummy too! Anyway, spent most of my day at grandpa's place! Enjoyed the steamboat, the company of my paternal family especially the cousins, the blackjack, the incredible laughters and the photoshoots with grandpa. Every year's get together really make me realize how old my grandpa really is and so this really serves as a reminder for me to cherish everyone around me. Family gatherings always warm the inside :)

Anyway, my gastric flu isn't completely gone yet, and my cough and flu has been kinda bad too. Plus, my skin itch is back here to irritate the hell out of me. Kinda blame myself for not following up on the chinese physician's medication and consultations :( Okay, I'll head back once it opens again, I swear. Meantime, enjoy the 3 days of holidays left!

2011-01-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

Wondering if there's anything wrong actually...

Live in your beat, Play in ours

2011-01-30T03:08:00.005+08:00

Samba Masala's concert, Thrill has officially ended! I've always love performing. Performing on stage, getting the applause and adrenaline rushes through the head is something that makes all the hard work and effort behind the scenes worth it. Like what fellow sambista said, as a performer, playing in the rain was nothing sort of epic. To see the water splashing from every hit on the drums, to be able to smile and totally emerge yourself in the company of the pouring rain and fellow lovely sambistas, what more can you ask for? But as a musician, of course there was a full-fledged and well-planned items for the night like the batucada guitarists with overture and all, certainly there comes a disappointment for not being able to bring out those highlights. Nonetheless, I love every single minute and second on stage with my dear sambistas and this memorable great experience will always stay with me. Samba has proven that we are not a group that makes noises. Instead, we are a group that brings our audience a wholesome visual and audio enjoyment, with a constant loud burst of energy coming through us!

Thank you MBJD, Matty and Dor and baby for coming down to support. I really appreciate your presence! Hope you guys enjoyed the show ^^

Love Samba.

2011-01-27T02:02:00.002+08:00

I've been busy. So busy, so drained, feels like there's no time to catch a breath at all. Chinese new year's coming but I haven't really gotten my clothes. How sad :( That's what school's doing to me. The past few weeks have been busy all due to Samba. Thrill's coming, this Saturday. I hope it'll be a great success and of course, a memorable experience for both Samba and the audience! Thank you to friends who are so supportive by coming down to support! Appreciate it :)

I certainly wish to enjoy CNY to the fullest, buying clothes, buying shoes, helping mum with grocery or whatsoever, going down to chinatown to squeeze through the crowd just for the atmosphere. But there's just no time :( And week 6 (wk after CNY wk) is a horrible week with a projection of 2 presentations, 1 20% assignment for MC and the first FA test... How exciting.

Ok I'm out of here. Hopefully I'll be able to make time for Chinatown with mum on sunday night. May Thrill be a huge success. Time to crash, be back soon.

2011-01-20T01:07:00.004+08:00

"Suffered a swift defeat,
I’ll endure countless repeats,
The gift of memory's an awful curse,
With age it just gets much worse,
But I won't mind,"

-DCDC

This song's for you, my dear. I hope it will bring you comfort and joy, in wherever you may be.

2011-01-19T01:13:00.002+08:00

Tuesday was a long day. 830am lesson. MC 20% assignment that killed so many brain cells, followed by samba at 730pm to 1030pm. Rushing the MC again and then quickie dinner/supper fix at kopitiam with B at 12 midnight and finally home, touching up on the assignment. That's 1/5 of the grade sigh.

Anyway, I seriously hate playing Funky Chindian or the more recognized name of Sharan's New Song during practice. I dislike it most because of the fact that I haven't mastered Virada quite yet. As usual, I'll feel demoralized but I guess there's still some positivity in me. Arts fest is forcing me to pick up Virada so yeah, embrace it!!!!

Wednesday/today's gonna be another long day. 2 lessons with a CT meeting to end the night. Sigh. Thursday long day, Friday long day, Saturday long day. HANG IN THERE! Sorry for such a rambling-away post. Hope I can crash soon.

2011-01-17T15:20:00.002+08:00

I don't know. I'm starting to feel tired of going for Samba. Maybe it's the weeks leading up to concert makes me feel tired and a little demoralized especially when virada still seems so hard. Aiyah, sigh. Just want Thrill to quickly come and hopefully all the effort will pay off at the end. Chinese New Year's coming and I've got 0 clothes yet. Pretty much wanna shop but there's just not much time to spare. And when school starts, shopping means guilt only.

TWC readings are super heavy. And it's time to begin all the projects for all modules this sem. Can't wait for summer already. I miss my friends.

2011-01-14T23:22:00.001+08:00

To not give up. I really hope practice makes perfect.

2011-01-13T13:49:00.001+08:00

A good breakfast to start the day good!

Lonely lunch

2011-01-12T12:20:00.004+08:00

Just ended 3hours of BGS. I think my prof is really a strict, stern old man. But yeah, he's quite good in his teaching. I actually think my MC prof is awesome! He's very encouraging and he makes class participation less intimidating and classes more genuinely engaging. I guess every Wednesday I feel a little lonely. After BGS it's just 3 empty hours alone, to settle lunch, to find somewhere nice to settle down in SOE, then do some work. I've been quite used to having b going to school with me and all because we stay so near each other and I'm truly thankful for that(: Comparing our timetables this sem and last sem, we get much lesser time together. I'm having a 3day week now, so it's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. In any case, Friday will definitely be dedicated to Samba. Talking about Samba, I really can't wait for Thrill, our gig. And of course, just like any performance, I'd love to have friends coming down to support! Haha this is especially more so for Samba than for the old times in NVSB because Samba is really both a visual and audio excitement and enjoyment.

Ok TWC tomorrow. Need to prepare because Gohkan is not a good friendly dude to mess with. Sigh no choice! Meanwhile, shall just patiently wait for FA to come and go. Be back soon!

2011-01-09T21:13:00.002+08:00

Wild Honey with B yesterday, after a hard day of trying to get some school work done. This time round, we ordered nicer, better and more worthy food! Was so bloated after the meal so we just walked around town.

Anyway, I'm still trying to settle down for the new term. Sometimes, I'll still feel lost and I guess it's inevitable. New mods, new profs, new classmates, this term with 2 mods focusing so much on class participation. Ah any case, I just cannot wait for Thrill to come by and it's hi chinese new year (although there's makeup lesson on the saturday of cny, spoiler sigh). Ok out of here, school must get better better better :)

And if the tempo was lousy it was lost on all but you.

2011-01-09T01:17:00.001+08:00

No Joy in Mudville

2011-01-08T03:10:00.002+08:00

"If I could have had my way, this year would bridge '66 again"

10 of the day

2011-01-04T23:47:00.003+08:00

1. Woke up with a huge sigh because the new sem began

2. First MC mod wasn't too bad with quite a potentially nice prof

3. Made a really impromptu decision

5. Finally it's fixed!

6. Tried looking at FA not long ago and the technical terms are enough to confuse

7. Hate tomorrow's heavy bag because of macbook, the damn thick FA text, case studies book (Not gonna bring BGS cos it's gonna be bloody hell heavy-back to primary school days...)

8. Absolutely love DCFC, they make me happy

9. Wishing for Raja Kumar to be the true blue Raj Komaran tomorrow in BGS class (please please!)

10. And till then, goodnight. Good day ahead folks!

Reality Check

2011-01-02T12:50:00.003+08:00

Finally checked my timetable for the new semester and it's farewell to SOE. I've got no lessons at SOE, which honestly, is my favourite building. All lessons are at LKCSB (the building I think it's quite alien-ish) except for TWC at IS. I feel a little depressed this morning because school is starting. Sigh! Okay I guess it's all about adapting all over again, at least I've got B, Dor and Mel to survive through the sem together with. Yesterday night finally met B to exchange our textbooks and had a long chat over dinner. About school, about our December. Though the holidays is only a month long, I guess I really had a great time spent with b, meeting up with friends whom I miss during the hectic school term, spending more time at home and with my bed (gonna miss this a whole lot! haha), going back school for fruitful samba practices with crazy viradas, and in short, just doing things that I've wanted to do.

May school be good for everyone k! Guess I won't be able to blog much when school starts too. Till then! :)

2011-01-01T15:56:00.001+08:00

Hotel Re! on the last night of 2010 with my favourite people! Laughed, drank (the waytoosweet baileys), did crazy forfeits. Enjoyed the company of the most comfortable bunch of people. May 2011 be a great, meaningful and fruitful year for us all (:

2010

2010-12-31T15:50:00.008+08:00

Hi all. Thought I might as well do up a 2010 recollection before heading out later! Anyway, 2010 has been a good year overall in fact. 2 main milestones: My very first office job in MDA and hi to SMU life. I guess at the first half of the year, I spent most of my time working and gaining experience at MDA. It was my first ever job and I think it's a blessing that I was with IDM because that's where I found new friends. They offered me insights into life. Special thanks to Doll Ling, my supervisor cum truest pal I've made in MDA(: And also Jac and Michelle for guiding me as a temp. A truly great experience for half a year in MDA! Glad we're still in contact! Also, working with my cuzzy was a happy thing as well <3>

Overseas trip with the parents this year in March to Thailand was a good break after A levels! First half of the year I think I partied a whole lot too, with Ber, Mich, and some others. Other than work. it's just playing hard, having fun, heading to meetups with friends with no other pressure from school or what. Not forgetting, Hongkong trip with the girls! First trip with friends that was non school-related. July was the pre-uni life period with all the orientation camps and all and it's also where I met B! And August was hi to school and countless amount of work, stress, headaches and complaints. But through these tough times, I got to thank B for being there really. I realised that I am a huge ultimate kanjiong spider this year, like I tend to worry a whole lot. So I'm truly thankful for B's encouragements and help along the way! Also, joining Samba has been a great experience so far. Fun, excitement and music all coming together (:

And December would probably be the best month this year because it's the holidays!

I just hope in 2011 that my family and Lina baby will be healthy and happy, friendships (MBJJSD, girlfriends, SA girls, Sec1 oldies, MDA pals) will still stay strong, happy fun times with B will continue and lastly, schoolwork will be more manageable.

Gonna be a good night tonight(: Happy 2011 friends.

Giddy up

2010-12-31T03:38:00.002+08:00

Just got home not long ago from a sumptuous steamboat dinner at Jasmine's place. Thanks guys for preparing the food. Haha times have changed! Guys in kitchen, girls waiting to eat. I had a really really fun great time with the old bunch, the bunch of friends I have since secondary 1! Haven't laughed so much and so heartily for a long time. Thanks pals and may our friendships last (:

Been eating hearty dinners for the past few days. Hope I won't be too lazy to head out for a run later in the day!

Final day of 2010. Time flies, not? 2010 has treated me fairly alright this year. Shall think about it soon. For now, goodnight folks!

Food glorious food!

2010-12-30T13:55:00.006+08:00

Am charging my iphone. Might as well share some photos of foodgloriousfood I took using my phone all these time! :)

Marche feast months ago with MBJJSD

Sushi Teh with B, the sukiyaki soup was heavenly!

Wild Honey. Love this photo! Wild Honey serves good breakfast all day long. And their American breakfast serving is huge.

Dim sum at some teochew restaurant in town. Check this out! The egg yolk custard bun is really really really good (Y). Would love to have some now!

Same meal, and here's some claypot beenhoon thing.

Colourful xiaolongbaos from Paradise Dynasty at Ion. There's supposed to be a black truffle xlb in the middle but it's eaten already. Anyway, all 4 of us agreed that they tasted like the original xlbs. And b even said that the pink one which is supposed to be szechuan flavour has the taste of bandung. Guess that's where the pink colour came from? :/

And I fell sick right after this meal. Fever for 4 days. Haha might be caused partly by the food too because the noodles we ordered were really quite spicy.

One whole pot of porridge from b! Haha my staple food when I was terribly sick and the fever was really horrible. Thanks for the effort mr see! (: <3

Scramble egg with milk

Stir fried cockles with egg and balachan!

Yummmylicious thai-style fried bread with prawn paste.

Spizza at Jalan Kayu. The one with the pile of leaves on top was way better than the seafood half on the right (:

Buffalo wings at Timbre, with the girls! A little disappointed.

Old Airport road. Cheap goooood food! Had char kway tiao, wanton noodles, chicken chop, satays!

Yesterday with Doll, Jac and Michelle! Crab feast at Pasir ris. We ordered 2 crab been hoon, kangkong, prawn balls and thai style chicken. The crabs were huge, fresh and really tasty! Fingers licking good. Haha. And we only paid $28 each. I thought the meal will cost at least 35 each! Worth trying ;) The company was great, finally got to catch up with the girls! :)

Feast!!!

And this explains my bloated tummy till this morning...

Just got home not long ago from a run with b. A very short run in fact. Hahaha then we ended up in Macs. Ok hope everyone (if there's any reading this space) enjoyed this post ;)

2010-12-27T23:00:00.003+08:00

Happy belated Lina baby! (26Dec) Haha. Lina is 12 years old and she's been with us since she was 7 months old. Love you to bits cutey pie, so all we really want is for her to stay healthy and happy! <3

Samba practice today was another torturous 6 hours long. This is seriously the newest and coolest aerobics. I've really worked out my arms a whole lot through these practices and intense virada so it's hi to toned arms! Hahaha. But samba has been fun. I guess when Arts fest's here and we're up on stage, all the hard work will be worth it.

Met my 7years&counting girlfriends for dinner at timbre last wednesday. I've always find it heartwarming to have us still so close and making a point to meet up as much as we can! <3 Cheers to friendships!
So christmas eve I was in town and the crowd was pretty bad. Everyone seemed to be shopping as if there's great sales everywhere, is there? Christmas this year was a simple but really really sumptuous steamboat dinner at b's house prepared by his mum. The food was great and I've never been so full for a long time! Hahaha.
Ok finally meeting the girls tomorrow for lunch together! And yeah, 2010 is ending. Been a....down to up year. Shall blog soon.

Toodles. My arms are seriously aching mad.